Prayer: A spoken or unspoken address to God, a deity or saint (which) may request something such as help…
A number of years ago there was a song popular on the country-western charts, I believe by Garth Brooks, titled “Unanswered Prayers.” The gist of the song was the singer was thanking God for ignoring his prayers years ago in regards to a girl he had the hots for in high-school. He never did get together with her and later met the woman who became his wife. Years went by, then he and his wife went to his high-school reunion and he met up with the girl he so lusted after way back when. She wasn’t quite the angel he imagined her to be and while making their exit, he thought (and sang in the song) “I thank God for unanswered prayers.”
And so it is in poker: I have written before in several other articles about “wish poker,” players with cards requiring the intervention of a deity to have even the remotest chance of succeeding. Most of the time we know God is far too busy to listen to these kinds of supplications and the prayer goes unanswered. As well it should be – for if every poker player prays for the fall of a friendly card in a picayune $1-2 No-Limit game, can you imagine the jam-up occurring at the Incoming Prayer Department in Heaven? Can you envision the rampant chaos there during the World Series of Poker? The onrush of these little requests slow down the really meaningful prayers – such as those for world peace – from getting through to the Big Guy (and please, nothing anti-feminist is meant by that – it’s just a phrase to get the point across, OK?) in a timely manner. By the time he gets through the queue of all these little prayers, really big things like World War III will have occurred and He’ll be wondering “Wow, how did THAT get by me?”
However…there are times when the IPD is all caught up, the enlisted angels have nothing to do and are looking over their shoulders to make sure Gunnery Angel Michael isn’t looking their way. The senior non-com angels are wondering how many times they can order the enlisted angels to police the grounds for the rare-but-occasionally-found cigarette butt. The commissioned angels are wondering if they can’t sneak out and play a quick eighteen, and the BG is down at the O-Club (Omnipotent’s Club) retelling the story of how He brought order out of chaos before the beginning of time…and then…
First, a small scientific digression: Do you know how a laser beam is created? By itself, a single ray of light brings illumination, a little warmth but not much beyond that. A laser works by concentrating and focusing the light rays into a cohesive beam in which blinding illumination and surface-of-the-sun heat levels are generated. Now, take that same principle, apply it in a poker game, then focus and aim that energy at the IPD in Heaven. What you’ll get is what happened at a game yesterday.
I had been playing for a while in a $1-2 No-Limit game when the following hand came along. I was in late position with 3-5 of diamonds and called the blinds in an un-raised pot. The flop came 2-4-K rainbow giving me an open-ended straight draw. There was a bet and call in front of me, so I called as well. The turn brought a queen, again no flush possibilities and I called the same bet-and-call ahead of me. The river showed an Ace that gave me a wheel, a baby straight. The same bet-and-call ahead of me occurred so I reraised the max only to realize after doing so that anyone with a 10-J would beat me for the Broadway straight (a slight case of tunnel-vision there).
Oh, the agony! The first bettor went into the tank, you could hear the gears grinding as he was thinking about what to do. He finally called my max-raise bet. The remaining player too was wondering about her action and what to do; she finally just called my raise. I turned over my 3-5 of diamonds for the wheel straight. The next player turned over his 3-5 of spades for a wheel straight. The woman at the far end turned over her 3-5 of clubs for a wheel straight. It was a three-way split! As Charley Brown used to say, “Good Grief.”
The way I figure it, the IPD in Heaven was all caught up; the channels of communication were wide open all the way up to the Big Guy and with three people praying for an ace, it was like aiming a laser at a target. And the BG, getting accosted with the focused beam of three peoples’ prayers – all asking for the same thing – said, “OK…heh, heh, heh…I’ll answer this one.” Even the dealer allowed he had never before seen a hand like that. As far as profit goes, I think we split the blinds.
Q: Do you know the difference between prayer in church and prayer at a poker table?
A: At the poker table, you really mean it.
