Darn it! I didn’t get around to making any New Year’s resolutions and now it’s too late. I suppose I can take comfort in the fact that, if I had made any resolutions, I’d have given up on them by now anyway.
Still it’s a shame. Even I have a few issues I should work on. For example, if I hadn’t put off making resolutions, I could have resolved to stop procrastinating. I’m kidding — sort of.
But I might have resolved to be more decisive. No, maybe not.
I definitely would have resolved to be more thoughtful and deliberate, especially when using my shredder and my paper cutter.
And I would have made a resolution to worry less. Or maybe I would have made a resolution to worry more as sort of a preventative measure, since most of what I worry about doesn’t happen.
I would have resolved to be less opinionated, except when I’m right. I would have resolved to be less judgmental of nitwits and nincompoops. And I would have resolved to never speak another unkind word about anyone, especially if they’re in hearing distance.
If I had gotten around to making resolutions, I would have resolved to change out of nice clothing before using household bleach. And to wear an apron whenever I cook. And to stop wearing clothes with spots on them.
I would have resolved to never again try trimming my own hair.
I would have resolved to put my car keys, my sunglasses, my cell phone, and my gloves in the same place every time after I finish using them. I will definitely make that resolution next year – if I’ve located them all by then.
I would have resolved to turn off the lights whenever I leave the room–no matter how much it annoys those still in the room.
I would have resolved to wait until the garage door is up before I back out. I would have resolved to put my car in park before I stick my arm into my mailbox all the way up to my elbow. And I would have resolved to drive away slowly from the gas pump in case I forgot to take the nozzle out of the tank. I might even work on those without the resolutions.
Had I made resolutions, this would have been the year I finally learned to play my guitar, speak French, and fold fitted sheets.
I would have resolved to finish what I start, even if that meant starting less.
I would have resolved to work like it’s the last minute sometime before the last minute. This might have involved a resolution to play less computer Solitaire.
I would have resolved to save early and save often when working on my computer, because a document saved is a document I don’t have to type again.
I would have resolved to stop talking to myself, at least when other people are listening.
I would have made a resolution to stop nagging. I would not, however, stop asking for help with gradually increasing levels of frustration because what I asked for was not done the first 10 times I asked.
I would have resolved to have a place for everything and everything in its place – and I would have resolved to know where that place is.
And I would have resolved to finally read the stacks of information my insurance company and my retirement plan provider sends. Then I’d read it all again until I understood it.
Maybe I’m kind of glad I didn’t get around to making any resolutions.
(Resolve to contact drosby@rushmore.com or see www.dorothyrosby.com.)
