Humor – Happy National Bicarbonate of Soda Day

It’s probably no coincidence that Dec. 21, the last day of the Mayan calendar, was also National Flashlight Day and Look on the Bright Side Day. The creators of those days were probably thinking, “Look on the bright side. If the sun doesn’t come up Dec. 21, at least we’ll have a flashlight.” It’s probably also no coincidence that December 21 was Humbug Day.

I’m not making those days up, but I can see why you might think I did. There’s a holiday almost every day, though holiday might be a strong word for the likes of Ugly Truck Day and National Bubba Day.

Along with the holidays that merit cards and gifts – Valentine’s Day, Christmas, my birthday – and the ones that warrant three-day weekends – Martin Luther King Day, Veterans Day and National Columnists Day – we also have a smorgasbord of food holidays celebrating everything from tapioca pudding to cheese balls. We get the entire month of July to celebrate hot dogs, but hold the mustard until Aug. 3, National Mustard Day.

There are also plenty of well-intentioned but probably fruitless holidays, like Be Humble Day, Positive Thinking Day, and National Honesty Day. If you’re going to be humble, positive, and honest for just one day each, I’m not sure it’s worth it.

And there are a batch of just plain dumb holidays; Lumpy Rug Day, Count Your Buttons Day, and Take Your Pants for a Walk Day, to name a few. I think any day you go for a walk, you ought to take your pants with you.

But if you’re the kind who likes to celebrate, here are a few holidays you might like to add to your calendar:

Jan. 17 is Ditch New Year’s Resolutions Day, though I’ve always observed it on Jan. 3. And Blame Someone Else Day is celebrated the first Friday the 13th of every year, though I’ve been known to celebrate that on other days too.

Do a Grouch a Favor Day is Feb. 16, and I, for one, would really appreciate it if you’d observe it.

On March 14, we celebrate Pi Day, not to be confused with National Pie Day, which is Jan. 23.  Of course, Pi refers to the ratio of a circle’s circumference to its diameter, or 3.14, hence March 14. It’s called Pi because pies are circular and Greek mathematicians were lousy spellers.

April 7 is No Housework Day. Too bad! I thought it was today – and yesterday.

May 10 is Cleanup Your Room Day, but I think it may take longer than a day. May 20 is Be a Millionaire Day. That may take longer than a day too.

June 18 is both National Splurge Day and International Panic Day, because panic is what you do after you realize how badly you’ve splurged.

National Nude Day falls on July 14 this year and we celebrate Nude Recreation Week the second week in July. Unfortunately Sun Screen Day is May 27.

Aug. 9 is both my birthday and Book Lover’s Day. What a coincidence! I’m a book lover! I think books make lovely gifts, especially mysteries. Well look at that! I’ve just created National Hint Day.

Aug. 6 is Wiggle your Toes Day; Aug. 10 is Lazy Day; and Aug. 15 is Relaxation Day. What a month! You can see why we don’t celebrate Labor Day until September.

Sept. 21 is World Gratitude Day, and one thing you can be grateful for is that International Talk like a Pirate Day on Sept. 19 was only one day.

Sept. 28 is Ask a Stupid Question Day. How about this one? Is it a coincidence that Oct. 6 is Mad Hatter Day and Oct. 7 is Bald and Free Day?

Oct. 13 is International Skeptics Day. I’m skeptical about Moldy Cheese Day Oct. 9.

November is a tough month. We have Chaos Never Dies Day on the 9th, Have a Bad Day Day on the 19th, and Clean Your Refrigerator Day on the 15th. Talk about chaos–and moldy cheese.

And finally, Dec. 30 is National Bicarbonate of Soda Day. I’m so glad the world didn’t end. I’d have hated to miss that.

(Contact drosby@rushmore.com or see www.dorothyrosby.com.)

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